This was sent to The Mad Olive from St. Louis…enjoy!

“A couple months back I went out to the bar.  We ended up at a place called Train Wreck (turns out, it’s not just a clever name).  It wasn’t a huge crowd, maybe 10-15 people there on a Wednesday night.  Anyway, we walk in and there is this guy at the bar THUNDER D-R-U-N-K.  I mean it is a bar, who hasn’t been blacked out enough to make out with their cousin?  Not to mention, I usually applaud myself for reaching this level of intoxication.

Anyway we sit down, get a drink, and watch the game, whatever.  Fifteen minutes later, this guy eats it out of his barstool and crashes to the floor passed out…absolutely blind drunk.  I felt like pissing on him to see if he would wake up, but the bartender was already trying to revive the guy.  Bottom Line: dude isn’t moving, totally out cold!

They finally call the police who try and rouse him a bit.  He doesn’t make much of a response, so what do you do in an emergency?  Call for backup!  EMT’s, Fireman, and MORE cops are on the scene…apparently county cops have nothing better than to issues DWI’s and wrestle drunks from bars.

Anyway, they start to pick this guy up (everyone in the bar is watching at this point), and the entire bar sees a full bottle of Absolute tucked in his belt.  Not in a pocket, but tucked in his belt like a redneck would tuck a pistol.  Hey, we all got our weapons of choice.

The cop reaches to take the bottle and the guy goes absolutely APE SHIT. Ninja drunken fists of fury are flying in every direction!   I think he punched a baby, but that’s not confirmed…reminded me of those Cops episodes when they fight a skinny white guy hyped on PCP, bleeding out his face without a shirt on, TOUGH…

Finally, they subdue him on a stretcher and wheel him to the back of the bar either to tea bag him or cool him off…probably a bit of both.  I’m enjoying the scene and all the sudden the bartender grabs the bottle of Absolute and yells “Drinks on that d-bag!” and starts pouring shots of vodka as long as the bottle lasts.

After Ninja Gaiden cools down, he walks by the bar and sees everyone dominating his vodka and flips shit again.  He starts attacking anyone in reach, and he is doing level 80+ damage, HE”S CRAZY DRUNK with PCP strength!  I think he punched a 90 year old, but that’s not confirmed…

The cop in the back looks at the situation and says “this guy is gone” and he FUCKING TASED HIM!  Now I’ve never seen anyone tased up close…but trust me, it’s worth the money!  The guy had a small seizure, starts drooling and then proceeds to projectile vomit everywhere…totally sprays a cop and douches 2 EMT’s.  It reminded me when Gordie tells the Barf-O-Rama story at the blueberry pie eating contest in “Stand By Me.”  Quite possibly the coolest domino of events ever!

Things start to settle down after they wheel the guy out. But now its rochamboux time to see who is cleaning up the vomit.  The smoking hot waitress obviously isn’t doing it, Thunder Drunk has been removed from the premises, which leaves the bartender…poor dude hangs his head and proceeds to brace himself for the swift kick in the nuts.

He goes to get some towels, sets the stuff down, and this is the part that cracked me up the most:  He goes behind the bar and pours himself a DOUBLE shot of Makers Mark.  Then he looks over at me and says with a defeated look on his face “I hate my life,” slams back the shot and starts cleaning up this huge, explosive, smelly, disgusting mess of puke. FML…”

Our Thoughts…

Don’t Tase Me Braugh!

Tags: bar, cops, drunk, funny, Humor, social, tase, tased

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 25th, 2009 at 7:48 am and is filed under Readers Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.