Yes, I am going there. At some point in your life you will be forced into the decision of picking wine. Unless you
A) Don’t like girls
B) Prefer to play World of Warcraft in your free time
For the majority of us, scoring a date and taking a woman to dinner will involve wine at some point. No time like the present for a crash course, buckle your chin straps and let’s gets this over as painlessly as possible.
For simplification purposes, there are two types of wine: Red and White.
Red:
Red Wines are robust kick-you-in-the-face type of wines. They tend to be medium to heavy bodied, which means they are bursting with flavor and very strong to the palate. Inexperienced wine drinkers typically have to acquire a taste for red wine. Just like when you first tasted beer, it wasn’t that great. After your third time drinking beer, it starts to taste better as you acquire the taste; red wine is the same way.
3 Fancy Names to Remember:
Cabernet Sauvignon Heavy (Guinness/IPA)
Merlot Medium (Budweiser)
Pinot Noir Lighter (Bud Light)
Rule of Thumb for Food Pairing:
Pair a heavy, dry red wine with a heavy protein. For instance, if you’re going to eat a 2LB Porterhouse, go with Cab. If you’re going to be a pussy and eat an 8oz salmon filet, go with Pinot. REMEMBER: Red wine loves red meat.
White:
White wines are much lighter on the palate. They are more refreshing and delicate. Mainly they are made for girls, and if you value vagina, I suggest you bite the bullet and choke down a Riesling or Spanish White.
3 Fancy Names to Remember:
Chardonnay More Dry (Busch Gold Tops)
Pinot Grigio Medium (Bud Light)
Riesling Less Dry (Woodchuck Cider)
White Zinfandel Sweet (Wine Coolers)
Rule of Thumb for Food Pairing:
White wines are typically paired with white fish, chicken, and pork. No man should ever order white fish, chicken, or pork off a menu. Men Eat Steak. REMEMBER: Men drink kick-you-in-the-face red wine with steak.
Therefore, like previously stated, white wines are for girls. So, you should be knowledgeable enough to order a glass that compliments her dinner.
*Exception: On a hot day, it is acceptable for a man to chug white wine, but the bottle may last no longer than 30 minutes. Otherwise, you are not a man…
In conclusion, we could go much more in depth about this subject. But all you really need to know about wine are the differences between Red and White. I suggest you spend the majority of your time learning about whiskey, beer, and golf…
Did we leave anything out, should men know more things about wine? Comment below!
For more wine help visit Gary Vaynerchuk @ Wine Library Tv, he rocks!
Nice shot at Champlain at the beginning!
Friend,
I recommend the following for picking out the perfect bottle of wine. And trust me, I’m an expert.
a) Red or white, doesnt matter. Food paring is for sissys. Are you a sissy? You drink what you like. You like red, drink it with chicken, I dare you.
b) Check out the labels. There are some rather bad ass wine labels out there that will make you gentlemen feel like they have a larger sack than you really do. Plus, an interesting label is a good convo piece for the lady you are trying to impress.
c) This is the most important part. Check the % of alch content. A 10% or 11% is sissy. (also see sissy in reference to food pairing) You want a stiff 13% or, if the heavens favor you, a 14.9%. This gets the job done in the quickest way possible. Plus it’s cheaper to by 1 strong bottle than 2 sissy bottles.
So, quick recap
a) drink what you like
b) pick out a label that catches your eye
c) strong % of alch the better.
And remember . . .
Wine means you’re fine, you can go out and dine.
@ JunkTimer
I love where your heads at!
It is true, really you can drink any wine with whatever you want…just as you can drink whiskey in the morning if you wanted to.
It may be best to follow the % alcohol rule of thumb…its much easier to remember.
I think you need to swap the Merlot and Cab. The Merlot is generally a much more velvety and smooth wine with subtle flavors where a cab is more on the zesty, in your face side of the spectrum. Look at it more like:
Pinot Noir – Bud Light
Merlot – Bud
Cab – IPA
Shiraz and Zin – Stout
And I would say unless the Riesling is from the Alsace region of France which is very citrussy and not sweet then I would go with the proper analogy as cider beer rather than natty light. Full of flavor but full of very sweet flavor. Maybe you should throw in White Zin and make the comparison to wine coolers because essentially that’s what it is.
Otherwise I like the writeup. Breaks it down nicely…
Ya know, I agree with your suggestions Grillin Fool…making changes as we speak!
Any other thoughts?
My absolute favorite part, quoted it multiple times.
Yes, I am going there. At some point in your life you will be forced into the decision of picking wine. Unless you
A) Don’t like girls
B) Prefer to play World of Warcraft in your free time
Next time you’re stuck with a bottle of red that you just can’t choke down (but can’t bring yourself to dump down the drain because let’s face it, we’re not all made of money) just grab a bottle of Coca-cola and make yourself a Calimocho, Spanish style. Fruit is for Sangria. The Calimocho is all about getting your caffeine buzz on while making your wine taste less heinous.
Simple recipe: rocks glass, fill with ice. Fill halfway with red wine, and the rest with Coke.
Check out the video here: http://www.supplewine.com/videos/screw-it/16-beyond-sangria.php
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