Sent to us from Los Angeles…Enjoy!
“The night started with *Josh (wily little 24yr old guy) going to a rap party for the show he’s been working on. His two buddies were with him, but bounced early. Josh continued pounding drinks and scouring the party for something to take home. Apparently white boys strike out 93.4% of the time at “rap parties.” Its science…
After striking out and consuming enough JagerBombs to sedate a small elephant, he decided to catch a cab. On the way back he stops at 7-11, probably to pound some nachos or something.
In line, he meets a 19 year old white trash girl from Texas. This girl is no saint, but she’s apparently in town to visit her “sugar daddy.” Direct quote. So Josh, the ever slick drunk, talks her into coming home with him. Which he then proceeds to rail the shit out of her.
All’s well in the morning until he checks his phone. EPIC FAIL. Apparently while railing this random chick, he pocket dialed his 40 yr old cougar and left a 2 minute message of this girl screaming and him grunting his little ass off! What followed was a 2 minute message from the cougar screaming about a break up.
Ever the sport, Josh takes the news in stride and continues on a week of banging the Texas chick in random spots: her friends stairwell while on ecstasy, a McDonald’s bathroom, you get the picture.”
Our Thoughts…
- What happened to the Nachos? If your paying for a cab ride, to get some nachos, and you don’t end up with any nachos…than you fucked up. Royally.
- Who picks up women at 7-11?
- The old pocket cell phone dial, ruining relationships since 1973
- Be afraid, very afraid. You have now pissed off the most dangerous animal in the wild: The Cougar
- McDonald’s Bathrooms are classy…
*Not Actual Name
Tags: Cougars, dating, drinking, funny, Humor, Readers Stories, social, stories, women
MadOlive, I heart you. These are exactly the moments that I want to read about when they aren’t happening to me.
I agree with Christi. Your thoughts were almost exactly my thoughts when I read the story. Excellent!
Side note: I hope Josh is double wrapping that thing…
Contrary to popular belief, the double wrappage is advised against…Something dealing with friction, breaking, and babies/what Josh has.
Just Google “should I wear 2 condoms.” Google will actually finish the sentence for you, meaning lots of guys search it.
So nothing about nachos? Disappointed…
Oh man!!! Always been luckier than that I think…
Let me also say…7-11 Nachos suck arse.
Direct from *Josh* himself:
“They failed to leave out some key parts: getting kicked out of chateau marmont, partying with some band at the standard who convinced me to go skinny dipping which lead to me getting kicked out of there too, losing my glasses, drivers license and debit card….and my girlfriend the cougar who left for burning man the next morning after leaving me the message ‘thanks for giving me my wings at burning man, you piece of shit little boy, ugh’”
WOW…I want to party with that guy
It was a great ride, though, while it lasted, wasn’t it Josh? You can find another Cougar, but the possibility of embarrassing yourself that epically won’t come around very often and you should cherish the moment.
I hope she didn’t have a disease or anything.. you know what they say about stray cats
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One of my buddies railed a girl so hard she ended up having to go to the emergency room.
That is the stuff legends are made of.
Sal that may be one of the coolest things I have ever heard a girl say…
I have to admit, I was impressed. And more than a little curious about seeing his technique firsthand.
See…things like this make legends.
Do you think the guy in the Guinness Book of World Records with the biggest penis never got laid from that article?
Just a thought…