The Mad Olive: A Men's Guide to Getting Social and Drink Hustling

Do you love Happy Hour?  Does it ever last long enough?

What if the drinking gods granted one more hour?  One more precious hour to crush 2-for-1 bottles…

Instead, the greedy bastards slam down the flood gates by 7pm.  Do you think Happy Hour should last until 8pm?

Read On…

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The Mad Olive realizes we cannot change the world, but we can go down with a fight.  Lets discuss the 3 main reasons Happy Hour should last until 8pm:

1.  Who Gets Slap Down Nasty Drunk in 2 Hours?

Is that even possible?  Well, anything is possible.  Line up 11 Tequila shots and we can show you slap down narsty drunk in roughly 13 minutes.  Not the point.  This is after work and not a college toga party.  Its time to relax with cheap drinks.  You worked hard all day, enjoy.

The Math:

If you drank at a constant rate of 3Beers/hr from 5:30-7:00 (1.5 hrs)

3 x 1.5hrs = 4.5 beers

CAN YOU IMAGE THE POSSIBILITIES OF ONE MORE HOUR?

3 x 2.5hrs = 7.5 beers

Speak for yourselves, but 7.5 beers sounds way better than 4.5 beers.  Go back to Kindergarten:  Would you rather have 3 apples or 5 apples?  We arrest our case.

2.  Think How Delicious That DiGiorno Will Taste!

Say you leave by 8pm, 8 beers deep, and no dinner.  That frozen pizza starts sounding kick-you-in-the-face AWESOME!  We suggest picking up a couple tacos as an appetizer.

Beware of passing out on the frozen pizza.  It happens.  Only to wake up with a charcoal brick that once resembled supreme deliciousness.  Fire trucks, smoke inhalation, and new furniture can also prove costly.

We can only prescribe the medicine people…

3.  Perfect Ending to the Work Day

Later Happy Hour = Earlier Bed Time

After dominating that frozen pizza your going to be exhausted.  It will also be close to 10pm.  Your drunk, you have to work in the morning, PERFECT.  This is time to pass out early.  Sleep that shit off and wake up dancing.

Studies have shown that drinking a small amount of alcohol before bed will affect sleep.  You fall asleep faster, but once the booze wears off, you find yourself tossing and turning throughout the night.

Mad Olive SOLUTION: You MUST drink enough that the booze won’t wear off until the morning.  Therefore, that extra hour of drinking will ensure a good night sleep.  Are we genius or what?

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The Mad Olive will not stand for it.  It is our personal goal to extend every happy hour, in every city, for one extra hour.  How are we going to do this you ask?  That is a good fucking question…

Do you think bars should have a longer happy hour?  COMMENT BELOW!

Tags: 5 oclock somewhere, drinking, funny, happy hour, Humor, social

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 at 9:36 pm and is filed under Drink Hustling, General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.