Nothing is worse than waiting on head…
We have all been there, some flunkee cracks a sweet brew and just dumps it in. Leaving mounds of foam in the destruction.
How long did you wait to bong a beer? Now your waiting on a terrible pour? Who’s running this camel race?
The Mad Olive has TONS of experience in bonging beers. We’ve seen it all…
Below are 5 Step-by-Step instructions to Properly Pour a Beer Bong:
1. The Setup
We don’t care how bad ass you are, the beer bong is a 2 man job:
- Pourer/Holder
- Beer Bongee
The Pourer:
He who holds the funnel. The Pourer’s Job is to pour the beer into the bong, and hoist the funnel. Let’s hope he gives terrible head.
Beer Bongee:
He who bongs the beer. The main job is to swallow 12 ounces in 2-3 gulps. Anything over 3 gulps revokes man rights and deserves a kick in the junk.
2. Proper Angle of The Pour
After pouring over 300 beers, we became masters in the art. Cans tend to be better than bottles, but masters work with any medium. Ever seen MacGyver?
Hold the base of the funnel where the tube connects. Tilt the funnel at an 80 degree angle, almost where it is laying on its side. Just enough to let gravity do its part.
NINJA MOVE: The tube holder (bongee) should flatten the tube, leaving just the end towards the sky. This ensures a “flat” flow of beer. Slightly raise the end of the tube as it fills up.
3. The Pour
Do NOT treat this like losing your virginity. Take it nice and slow. Make love to the pour. Slide that beer in without anyone noticing. Ninja pours my friend.
Rest the can or bottle lip on edge of the funnel and pour slowly with no “gunking.” You know what gunking means, dont play coy…
The beer should run slowly down the inside of the funnel. Keep the funnel angled, tube flat, and let the beer run along bottom of tube.
If done correctly, you should have no foam. Foam absolutely sucks to inhale.
KEY TIP: The first second of pouring is CRUCIAL. Calm your shaky hand and dont dump the beer in. This is where “making love to your pour” really makes or breaks the game.
4. Correct Stance, Bottoms Up!
Proper stance:
- One knee down
- Head back
- Throat open
- Domination
The knee down is a staple in proper bonging form. Get dirty with it, get that knee down!
Side Note: Make sure the holder doesn’t get overly excited and throw beer everywhere…which upon completing beer, allows you to deliver one swift kick to the junk.
5. The Victory Release
Chugging 12 ounces of goodness in 2 gulps requires swallowing lots of air.
No time for proper introductions, get it out! This is called A Thunder-Burp. We hear women are impressed by this. Dont be a pussy, let it fly.
Do you have tips on bonging 100 beers? Wanna challenge us to bong 100 beers? Leave your comments below!
Tags: beer bong, being awesome, binge drinking, drinking, how to, tips