The Mad Olive: A Men's Guide to Getting Social and Drink Hustling

A story sent to us from the Midwest, enjoy…

“It seemed to be a regular St. Paddy’s day.  Waking up extra early to slam green beer and watch a boring ass parade.  Which ultimately results in slamming Irish Whiskey for all the green bastards out there.

After daily festivities had passed, we hit the local dive bar.  Three chicks and three dudes.  Perfect scenario right?  Let me digress…

Now don’t get me wrong, these chicks were HOT.  At least two of them.

The third?  She sort of resembled the green ogre from the movie Shrek.  Not to mention she was wearing a bright green fucking shirt.  Skanky blond greasy hair to match.

All hot chicks run with a bodyguard right?  (I think the Bengals offensive line was scouting this one)

It was time for a game plan, a diversion, any fucking thing to separate Shrek from our two hotties.  This is where our buddy tagged in.

You know that one special friend everyone has?  That one friend you can pretty much ask to fuck a fat chick, and they do it?  Lets call him Pete.

Pete chose the wrong night to join us…

As we huddled in the back room, the deal was sealed.  We were taking down the 2 hotties, and Pete was going home with Shrek.  Talk about jumping on a landmine!

Pete was pissed.  He started dropping obscenities, pretty much right in front of her.  This was not a game he wanted to play, time for backup.

We started pouring tequila down his throat.  With each shot, Pete slowly turned to the dark side.  No turning back.  I slightly recall him calling us assholes as they stumbled out the door.

Game on!

What happens next?  I look to my left and see utter game devastation.  My buddy is on the “dance floor” with his shirt off.

Sign 1:  We aren’t getting laid

He then trips multiple times forcing me to shove him into the car with his ex.

Sign 2:  Definitely not getting laid

Next morning I called Pete.  Completely oblivious to our night he asks “Did you guys seal the deal?”

I responded “Nope, got drunk, how was Shrek?”

Exact words:  “You’re an asshole…”

Our Thoughts:

• You owe him a pizza or a case
• maybe a lap dance
• just buy the dude a hot hooker…

Tags: drinking, irish whiskey, OMG, shrek, social, st paddys day

This entry was posted on Monday, January 4th, 2010 at 10:15 pm and is filed under Readers Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.