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A Noteworthy Conversation in The Rafters Parking Lot…
“I’ve been having some problems with a lady friend recently. Among others, she’s previously engaged (no offense Johnny, Bill, anyone else), batshit crazy, way too expensive, lives an hour away, told me she’s a lesbian, formerly had a “very serious drug problem” (her words), has dated at least one drug dealer, and has a serious letter sending relationship with an incarcerated person.
“I travel a lot for my job, Monday through Friday. While this takes away from friends and family, it provides ample opportunity for submitting Mad Olive stories.
Every summer in Chicago, the AVP Tour comes in town and sets up a nationally televised tournament at Oak Street Beach. Last summer, I was fortunate enough to have a friend that got us VIP passes to the player’s tent after the tournament.
“A few weeks ago at Comic-con, our friend Josh was with me (read about Josh here). We were both absolutely dead tired, but decided red bull and vodka would prevail.
After an uneventful night, I went back to the hotel around 2am before falling flat on my face. Josh, decided that 2am binge drinking was a better idea. Which resulted in stumbling back to The Hilton, and passing out in the express elevator (It was 40 floors).
After multiple rides up and down, someone woke the drunken passenger. The man standing over him happened to be the actor who plays Silas in Weeds. The actor asked him “Are you ok?”
Josh replied “Do you fucking mind, I’m doing a social experiment.”
“The night started with *Josh (wily little 24yr old guy) going to a rap party for the show he’s been working on. His two buddies were with him, but bounced early. Josh continued pounding drinks and scouring the party for something to take home. Apparently white boys strike out 93.4% of the time at “rap parties.” Its science…
After striking out and consuming enough JagerBombs to sedate a small elephant, he decided to catch a cab. On the way back he stops at 7-11, probably to pound some nachos or something.
In line, he meets a 19 year old white trash girl from Texas. This girl is no saint, but she’s apparently in town to visit her “sugar daddy.” Direct quote. So Josh, the ever slick drunk, talks her into coming home with him. Which he then proceeds to rail the shit out of her.
All’s well in the morning until he checks his phone. EPIC FAIL. Apparently while railing this random chick, he pocket dialed his 40 yr old cougar and left a 2 minute message of this girl screaming and him grunting his little ass off! What followed was a 2 minute message from the cougar screaming about a break up.
Ever the sport, Josh takes the news in stride and continues on a week of banging the Texas chick in random spots: her friends stairwell while on ecstasy, a McDonald’s bathroom, you get the picture.”
*Not Actual Name
Sent to us from Columbia, MO…ENJOY!
“Chew, a pinch, a snus, a lipper, a dipper, Cope, Griz, a long cut dessert, a fatty-boom-batty, lip-otine, a chaw, a Chesapeake cheeker, a snuff, a chewski, a lip cookie, a dipsy doodle, a wad. Call it whatever you like, but smokeless tobacco is the bee’s knees for 2 reasons:
* Assuming you’re inconspicuous about it.