“It seemed to be a regular St. Paddy’s day. Waking up extra early to slam green beer and watch a boring ass parade. Which ultimately results in slamming Irish Whiskey for all the green bastards out there.
After daily festivities had passed, we hit the local dive bar. Three chicks and three dudes. Perfect scenario right? Let me digress…
Real Quick: I apologize for denying you guys last week. It was the holidays, and I had serious writers block. Without further ado…lets get it cranking:)
Do you attend sporting events? Hot dogs, pretzels, skanky women, and of course – BEER!
What more could a guy ask for? Obvious answer would be two women at one time…while watching the Superbowl. But that’s a whole different post.
Lets be honest, each sporting event deserves a different drinking etiquette. Unless you’re the type that says fuck it and pounds through each inning like boxed wine at a bridal shower.
Here’s how you should pace yourself at each different sporting events:
Do you love Happy Hour? Does it ever last long enough?
What if the drinking gods granted one more hour? One more precious hour to crush 2-for-1 bottles…
Instead, the greedy bastards slam down the flood gates by 7pm. Do you think Happy Hour should last until 8pm?
Read On…
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Do you have an inner Pornstar? Lets talk about it, more importantly: What is your Pornstar name? This silly conversational piece has been a debate for ages now. Once upon a time, some idiot made up a tactic to determine this. Combine the name of your first pet and street address. Under this remarkable formula we get:
Fritz HH (Not a kick-you-in-the-face-awesome Pornstar name)
Here at The Mad Olive, we believe your porn name should be unique. You dont want to settle for the ole’ Rocky Roads, Debbie Deepthroat, or Judy Juggs. Naw, we need something classy…Below are some tips to give yourself the perfect Pornstar name.
“The night started with *Josh (wily little 24yr old guy) going to a rap party for the show he’s been working on. His two buddies were with him, but bounced early. Josh continued pounding drinks and scouring the party for something to take home. Apparently white boys strike out 93.4% of the time at “rap parties.” Its science…
After striking out and consuming enough JagerBombs to sedate a small elephant, he decided to catch a cab. On the way back he stops at 7-11, probably to pound some nachos or something.
In line, he meets a 19 year old white trash girl from Texas. This girl is no saint, but she’s apparently in town to visit her “sugar daddy.” Direct quote. So Josh, the ever slick drunk, talks her into coming home with him. Which he then proceeds to rail the shit out of her.
All’s well in the morning until he checks his phone. EPIC FAIL. Apparently while railing this random chick, he pocket dialed his 40 yr old cougar and left a 2 minute message of this girl screaming and him grunting his little ass off! What followed was a 2 minute message from the cougar screaming about a break up.
Ever the sport, Josh takes the news in stride and continues on a week of banging the Texas chick in random spots: her friends stairwell while on ecstasy, a McDonald’s bathroom, you get the picture.”
*Not Actual Name
Remember Norm Peterson from Cheers? The same guy, same bar, same bar stool…every night. Sometimes, we all want to go where everyone knows our name…
Norm was considered a local on the sitcom, which every bar has. There are advantages to befriending these people. Here are 5 advantages to becoming friends with locals:
